March 2015. While living in Stafford, TX, I rented Giacomo Puccini's opera Turandot on DVD from a Fort Bend County library. Most people have not heard of the opera, but they certainly are familiar with "Nessun Dorma" and the tenor most associated with it. However, this version of the aria is not in the DVD. The DVD features the splendid 1987 Metropolitan Opera production, directed by Franco Zeffirelli, conducted by James Levine, and stars Eva Marton as the titular character with Placido Domingo as the Prince. I wanted to see Domingo's take on "Nessun Dorma". He was amazing, definitely on par with Pavarotti in many ways. (Though Pavarotti held the penultimate note a lot longer, cementing his iconic status with the aria.) If you have to watch only one version of Turandot, I highly recommend this 1987 Met version.
At the end of Turandot, Turandot discovers that the Prince's name is "love". Aside from that, his identity is a mystery. Sounds like he could be a swindler. But that's fiction for you. In reality, I've only known one person named "Love". That happened two years after watching the DVD. It could otherwise have been an unlikely, even improbable chance we would ever meet. My Higher Power works in mysterious ways and made it possible. Right time, right place.
July 2017. San Antonio, TX. I was at a Methodist church for a Pioneer Group meeting (AA meeting with Bible study). As I entered the room, I was greeted by a service dog. I saw her owner – older adult female, nerdy looking like me, dark hair with grey streaks – but did not think much of her. When the meeting was over, I approached the chairperson to get my attendance sheet signed.
"Are you shy?" the chairperson asked after signing my sheet.
"No, I'm not shy," I responded. "I'm autistic."
The chairperson beckoned me to follow her. I was led to the owner of the service dog. Introductions were made, and I was pleasantly surprised to know that she – Author – is on the autism spectrum. We smiled as we made eye contact. As we shook hands, she told me to let her know when it was okay to give her a hug. This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I rarely have social contact with women. The very few that I had success with took over a year to click. Author – her sheltie Gracie – and I did it within weeks. She was working her own 12-Steps recovery, was 15 years my senior in discovering and living with autism, and had penned two books. Since we were the only ones on the spectrum in the 12-Steps fellowship, I continued showing up at Pioneer Group so that I could talk with her afterwards.
After the autism diagnosis in February 2017, I went from being no longer alone as a recovering addict to being alone again as an autistic in the 12-Steps fellowship. I had two meltdowns within 2 months. Both triggered by assholes in the fellowship. The second one –hereby dubbed the “Carlos” incident – led to a meeting with my sponsor and his – and also Carlos's – sponsor. I agreed to stop attending 12-Steps meetings while both sponsors would help me work the Steps. It was discouraging. So I looked up meetings that Carlos would not attend. Little did I realize my Higher Power was already well ahead of me through Author. But He didn’t stop there.
The following month, I checked out a monthly meetup group ran by and for adults on the autism spectrum. I was going to wait until after my felony case was adjudicated in October to do that, but the Carlos incident forced my hand. The San Antonio Adult Autistics meetup provided a safe, supportive and welcoming environment not only for young adults but also for older folks like me. It turned out Author knew about the meetup but hadn't gone around to attending, so I took her there the following month and thereafter every month (when I was available). We met every Friday at Pioneer Group, and every month for the meetup. Not only did I act as Author’s chauffeur, but I also covered her food expenses.
There's bad and then there's the worst. Autism had and continues to bring nothing but difficulties in my life. People insisted that I was shy or lacked confidence, that I should talk more, and that I was just introverted and very quiet. I had always thought the same, and didn't realize there was something more. Diminished social intelligence – which has cost me many jobs – and prone to being overwhelmed (sensory overload) has continue to make social interactions the most difficult thing in the world. That's bad, but the worst is not knowing that I am on the spectrum until much later in life. Had I not been arrested the year before and sent for a psych evaluation, I'd have never known and would have continued to struggle in ignorance. Like Author, I have an extensive history of childhood and adult trauma, and was diagnosed for autism through a psychologist. At the time, we were the only known autistics in the 12-Steps fellowship. I was no longer alone.
Author's last name "Love" was a source of bemusement at times when some would not believe that was her last name. She described her autism as high-functioning because of delayed language development when she was a child. That wasn't the case for me. Instead, I had selective mutism that was carried over to adulthood. It is less severe now than it used to be. According to the psychologist that diagnosed me, my autism is on the "mild level of severity", informally known as Aspergers. Author believed that there were more of us (autistics) out there. By the end of 2017, we discovered that our fellows included actor Anthony Hopkins, actress Daryl Hannah and Scottish singer Susan Boyle.
'Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.' - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
The 12-Steps literature mentions of taking actions of love and being of service to others. Author gave me every opportunity to practice that by being the good friend she wanted me to be. She welcomed me into her home, and into her life. I learnt more from her about respecting boundaries than from any other woman. Whenever we went, I folded her walker and put it in my car at the point of origin, and took the walker out of the car and unfolded it at the destination; I waited until she was ready however long things took, never once rushing her. Without ego or complaint. The feeling of being wanted and useful was indescribable, beyond anything I had experience in my home 12-Steps groups. For a while, I truly believed in the best of humanity because I saw it in her.
In addition to meeting for meals, Author and I also went to the movies (First Man, Bohemian Rhapsody, Green Book, Little Women (2019)), and to social activities with members of the Adult Autistics meetup. A few of the latter were held at her place. Other times, she was confined to her home when the weather was above 70°F, which unfortunately is 9 months out of a year in San Antonio. The meetup guys and me went to visit her... numerous times. She appreciated our actions of love but also felt disappointed that members from her home church had only visited her once (from 2017 to 2020).
During her self-confinement in 2018, I started visiting her on my own. It went from being monthly to bi-weekly and eventually every week. In each visit, I brought a meal to share, and then we chilled, watched TV, talked about recovery and checked in with each other. When she got a DVD player, we watched The Accountant and another movie, both featuring the protagonist on the autism spectrum. After that, it was the extended editions of The Hobbit trilogy – which took at least three months to go through the movies and the supplementary materials.
Shortly after, Author got various streaming apps for a good price. One of them was NetFlix. Since I didn’t have NetFlix, I saw this as a two-fold opportunity: binge-watch the Arrowverse TV franchise, and introduce her to the world of superhero fiction. The first show we watched was Black Lightning – both seasons (season 3 wasn't out yet) – and then continued with Arrow, The Flash and Supergirl per episode order. In time, Author pointed out the obvious serialized format of these shows.
"Can we say "soap operas"?" she asked rhetorically.
"Comic books are soap operas!" I replied.
With very few exceptions, every issue of every comic book title continues in the next one. Marvel Comics, DC Comics, Image Comics... you name it. They all follow the same format. So did the Arrowverse. We had planned to start on DC's Legends of Tomorrow when the COVID-19 pandemic hit in February 2020. That put the brakes on the visitations. We stopped at Arrow season 4, episode 10, The Flash season 2, episode 8 (probably), and Supergirl season 1, episode 14 (probably).
Author's room was large enough for a bed, a dresser, a couch and a sofa chair, among other things. She hogged the couch out of preference for laying down while watching TV. When she was away or not laying down, I would take a seat on the couch. She responded by holding the TV remote hostage until I relinquished the couch and returned to the sofa. On my birthday however, she let me hog the couch for the entire day.
One of Author's favorite things to do was going to the River Walk every December. She allowed me to join her in 2018. Excluding the numerous times I went there only for food, my first and only other time at the River Walk was in 2011 with my family. For the second time, I tried something that I didn't do the first time: the boat tour. It was a wonderful ride. The tour guide regaled stories and histories of various buildings we saw. Thankfully, the boat accommodated two adults, her walker and a service dog.
After the boat tour, we traveled on foot throughout the River Walk for nearly an hour-and-a-half. Among the many sights was a facility that appeared to be hosting a high school party. I jokingly suggested that we invited ourselves there by pretending to be parents of a student. Instead, we moved on. Noticing that the multitudes of restaurant had candlelight tables, I asked Author if the heat from the candles would aggravate her health problems. "It depends," she said. Given that the weather was in the 50s°F, it probably wouldn't be an issue .
Author canceled the 2019 River Walk due to health issues, but that didn't stop her from going to the zoo with me. I got a coupon from my employer that offered discounted rates for two. The zoo wasn't bad or memorable. The only highlight was the pacing jaguar. Before 2009 – while living in California – I saw a similar jaguar at the Los Angeles zoo was pacing non-stop. Wife asked why it was doing that. "Probably deciding which one of us it wants to eat first," I replied. As for the San Antonio zoo's jaguar, it saw Gracie and tried to approach her, probably seeing her as a meal. The enclosure's tough windows made sure that wasn't going to happen.
A few months before the zoo, Author was admitted to a hospital for a health crisis. The 70+°F weather probably played a part in it. When I visited her the next day in the ICU ward, I got to know her 12-Steps sponsor. The sponsor broke the ice by teasing me for talking too much. In doing so, she revealed that she not only knew I was on the autism spectrum but also a recovering addict. When I visited her the third time, her health improved and she had already moved to her own room. The day after that visit, she was discharged.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. I was let go from my employer in February 2020. That was followed almost immediately by the pandemic, which sent Author on a self-imposed lockdown. No more visits or phone calls. Two months later, I received a job offer and relocated to Austin. We have not communicated since.
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